


Utter Chaos

by myprodigalson (iAvenge_Nerds)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Gen, also its not really a romance fic, and an exasperated philip, and yay philtheo, but I couldn't fit her in, but theo/philip is prominent in the story, he has to take care of his six siblings minus angie, its just a family fic, obviously, of course hes exasperated, oh and philip never got shot, sadly no angelica, so he's still alive, yeah its pretty much just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 14:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6155962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iAvenge_Nerds/pseuds/myprodigalson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When his mother, sister, and aunt leave for the weekend and his father has to work, Philip Hamilton is left to care for his six siblings. </p><p>Philip loves his family, but actually caring for them takes a lot out of a man because in their house, it's utter chaos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Utter Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> so I got introduced to Hamilton via tumblr a few months ago and have been obsessed ever since. However, this is my first foray into writing a fic for this fandom, so if things seem OOC I apologize in advanced.
> 
> also a few notes:  
> 1) this is a modern au, so things are a little wonky from actual history  
> 2) I wanted there to be as a many Hamiltons has historically accurate, but I didn't want two Philips, so Lil' Phil has been dubbed Charles for lack of a better name that isn't related to an enemy of Alexander.  
> 3) this fic takes place in mid May, 2016 (because I'm not going back to 2015. that year sucked.)  
> 4) the ages of the kids are as follow:  
> Philip - 21  
> Angelica - 18  
> James - 17  
> Alex Jr - 15  
> John - 10  
> William - 5  
> Eliza - 3  
> Charles (aka Lil Phil) - 11 months  
> 5) Alexander or Alexander Sr mean the politician and lawyer and problematic fav, and Alex or Alex(ander) Jr means his kid. Same thing with the Eliza's: Eliza Sr is our favorite Schuyler Hamilton and Eliza Jr is the toddler  
> 6) Philip was never shot because I can't stand to have him die  
> 7) Hamilton never cheated on Eliza because this fic is meant to be happy. 
> 
> this has not been beta-read so any mistakes are my own
> 
> disclaimer: I do not own Hamilton because I am not Lin-Manuel Miranda
> 
> hope you enjoy!

Utter chaos.

Those are the only two words that can describe the Hamilton household when the ladies are away. Or even when the ladies are present, really. With eight kids and Alexander Hamilton in the same house, the action within can only ever be described as chaos.

The particular time period that can be described as utter chaos is one single weekend in the middle of May. Eliza and Angelica Squared leave the men at home while they take a relaxing, weekend-long trip to a spa to get away from the stress that is Alexander Hamilton and politics, leaving the men (and little Eliza) at home to fend for themselves.

Vacations for the Hamilton (and Church) women are not uncommon, as Eliza often finds herself in need to escape from her husband’s endless rants on Jefferson or Burr, and the two Angelicas gladly accept any opportunity to leave the disarray of the other eight Hamilton children (well, seven plus Alexander, who is immature enough to be counted as one, some days).

This time, however, is different than the previous absences of the Hamilton women, leading to sheer pandemonium. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay taking care of the kids for the weekend? Because you can always call the nanny!”

“Eliza, things will be fine! We’ll have a great time, just the eight of us!”

Philip watches as his mother glances warily between her husband and children. It’s obvious how unsure she is, leaving them all home without proper adult supervision, even though Philip is there to help and Alexander is a great dad and only messes up with politics, not parenting. Eliza bites her lip and starts to shake her head, and the eldest Hamilton child knows what’s coming, so he steps forward and intervenes.

“Mom, stop worrying! Dad and I can take care of everything. It’s nothing we haven’t done before.”

“I’m just worried. The election’s coming up and your father’s going to work himself to the bone, and John’s getting over that cold, and –“

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Philip says reassuringly, placing a hand on his mother’s shoulder. “If something goes wrong – really wrong – we’ll call you. Now go enjoy your weekend without us. You deserve it.”

Eliza sighs. “I’ll go,” she concedes, “but only if you call me every night with updates!”

Philip nods. “Every night,” he promises.

“Okay,” she says airily. “We’ll be back on Monday.” His mother attempts to leave further instructions, but Angelica pulls Eliza out of the house by her elbows as Angie grabs her mother’s bags. Philip watches as his sister packs the suitcase in the back of the car and his aunt and mother slide into their seats in the front. Then they’re pulling out of the driveway, waving goodbye. The car fades out of sight and the children go back to their daily lives of toys and television, leaving only Philip standing in the front entrance.

For the first five minutes, things run smoothly. No one gets seriously injured (although Will does get a small papercut that’s fixed with a Batman Band-Aid and the promise of ice cream if he’s a good boy) and no one dies. Sibling squabbles are resolved quickly and efficiently, with none lasting more than a minute. It seems, for a second, that they’re going to get through the weekend. Philip says so to his father four minutes and thirty seconds in. Thirty-one seconds later, however, makes things go chaotic, and the eldest Hamilton regrets ever opening his mouth.

At the same time Philip speaks to his father, James, on his way to the kitchen, accidentally runs into John, who then stumbles into Will. James ends up with a bruise the size of John’s knee on his shin, John cuts his arm on a loose nail, and Will bangs his head on the corner of the stairs. There’s a mash of cursing and crying as Philip and his father rush to the scene, and they arrive just in time to hear Will cry, “I want mommy!”

It’s at that specific moment that descends the house into chaos.

The chaos doesn’t happen all at once, though. That’s what makes it so terrible.

Alexander takes Will to his office to calm him down, and Philip fixes the cut on John’s arm. Nothing bad happens in the time it takes to fix the injuries and calm the crying children. It seems as if Philip is wrong, about the house diving into madness. He doesn’t hear any crying or screaming, and none of his siblings run into the kitchen holding a broken bone or shattered electronic device.

Of course, this changes when he hears a loud crack coming from the living room.

He rushes into the room to find Alex Jr on the ground, writhing in pain and clutching his left ankle tenderly. James is standing above the seventeen-year-old, Charles in his arms and little Eliza peeking out from behind his legs.

“What happened?!”

“I don’t know! He got up from the couch and I guess he moved his ankle the wrong way ‘cause he just fell!”

“Did you hear a loud crack?”

“Yeah, but nothing’s broken, except maybe Alex’s ankle, so I don’t know what it was.”

Philip sighs and crouches down to his brother’s level. He’s no doctor but he knows something’s wrong. No one ends up in that much pain from moving an ankle the wrong way. “Go get dad,” he instructs James. “I’ll try to get Alex to talk.”

James runs off, Charles in his arms. Little Eliza, now in need of a new hiding spot, stumbles her way to Philip, who picks her up and faces her away from their brother. A three-year-old shouldn’t see her strong older brother crying from immense pain. When Eliza stops squirming and finds a comfortable position, Philip tries talking to Alex.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Not really. Think I hurt my ankle,” Alex whispers.

“You don’t say,” Philip replies sarcastically. “Can you move it?”

Alex tries rotating it, but cries out in pain at the slightest turn. “Nope, can’t move it.”

“What’s wrong?” Alexander Sr. demands, running into the room, followed by the rest of the Hamilton children.

“I’m not sure. I heard a crack and rushed in here to see Alex on the ground,” Philip answers, looking at his father.

“Get him in the car. I’ll take him to the hospital. You stay here with the kids.” Alexander picks up his namesake, and the children scatter, getting out of the way to let their father and brother pass.

Once again, they all stand by the window and watch as the car fades into the distance. Philip takes a deep breath, preparing to be the head of the household for the rest of the day. Of which twelve hours still remain. Silently, he prays that Theodosia can be finished her paper early and help him out, because he has to watch three kids under the age of five, with only an energetic ten year old and moody fifteen year old around to help.

 _Utter chaos,_ he thinks. _That’s what the house will look like in two hours._

So Philip makes the decision to get out of the house. It’s hard for the house to become a disaster if no one’s home to make a mess.

Turning around, he claps his hands and looks at his siblings. “We need to get out of the house. Any suggestions for where to go?”

“Ice cream!” cries Will enthusiastically, throwing his hands in the air.

“The movies,” suggests James.

“Park!” Eliza exclaims, copying Will and throwing her hands in the air. The momentum proves too much, however, and she falls on her butt. Philip prepares for another bout of crying, but instead, she giggles. He instantly feels relieved, because the events of the past ten minutes have been tense and difficult, and he doesn’t think he can take another upset child.

“How about we go to the park, and then stop for ice cream on the way to the movies?” Philip proposes. The younger ones clap excitedly, babbling about playing and ice cream, while the older ones agree quietly, nodding their heads. “James, you’re in charge of Charles. Make sure the stroller is in the van and remember the diaper bag. John, watch Will. Be sure he has a sweater. I’ll get Eliza ready, and we’ll meet outside.”

Getting ready goes smoothly, with only a minor mishap involving lost car keys that are quickly found and Eliza protesting her shoes for a minute before being bribed with sprinkles.

Nothing afterwards, though, goes so well.

First the car won’t start, and Philip has to get their neighbours to help them jumpstart it. Then, the little ones won’t keep quiet on the drive to the park, and they have to pull over three times before it’s relatively peaceful again. Once they get to the park, Eliza trips on a rock and scrapes her knee. James abandons them when he sees some friends, meaning Philip now has to watch Charles _and_ Eliza, while keeping half an eye on John and Will. During a game of tag, John accidentally pushes another kid, and Philip has to deal with an angry mother who claims John pushed her son on purpose. On their way to get ice cream, Eliza gets sidetracked by some ducks and Philip has to run around the park, searching for his baby sister. In the car, Charles hits James’s ice cream cone, spilling the chocolate dairy mess on the floor. Halfway through the movie, Charles starts crying and Philip has to take care of him, so he misses a fair amount of the movie and annoys his siblings by asking countless questions.

Somehow, the drive home is peaceful, with no incidents or mishaps. The kids are tired from their day out, and fall asleep in their car seats. John is too busy reading his book to talk and James is smirking at his phone, so Philip enjoys the silence and focuses on driving. One Hamilton in the hospital is one too many, and crashing the car doesn’t seem like a good idea.

When they get home, Will and Eliza sit in front of the TV and watch some brainless kids show, but it keeps them entertained, and no one complains. John retreats to his room to read, and Philip recruits James to help with dinner. And by help, Philip gets his brother to figure out their pizza order.

After dinner, Alex calls from the hospital, asking to be picked up.

“Dad had some Important Stuff to do, so he left after everything was paid for,” he explains.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Philip sighs. He gets the kids ready and herds them to the van, because James left to hang out with his friends as soon as he finished eating, and no one’s around the watch them. He just can’t catch a break.

The drive to the hospital doesn’t make things any better. The kids are yelling and screaming along to the radio, which is playing some inappropriate rap song that kids under the age of fifteen should not be listening to, but Philip has worse things to worry about than what his siblings are listening to. (Besides, it’s not like they haven’t heard it all before. Their dad had a tendency to scream loudly into his phone from his office with his door open.) He can count at least three accidents on the other side of the road, and it’s blocking traffic in both directions. What should be a twenty minute drive takes nearly an hour, and Philip has a small inkling of hatred for his siblings.

Why did he have to convince his mother to go on that trip?

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re late,” Alex notes from his seat in the waiting room when Philip herds the kids into the hospital.

“You try driving in rush hour with at least three accidents blocking traffic while having four kids screaming in your ear,” Philip says bitterly. He loves his brothers and sister, he really does, but their yelling gave him a headache, so now he has to look after them while his head pounds from their incessant noise.

Alex furrows his brow. “Couldn’t James watch them?”

“James went out with his friends, like he did this afternoon when we were at the park, leaving me to watch those of us not in the hospital.”

“That really sucks.”

“It really does,” Philip agrees. “Now let’s go home. I’ve done more than my fair share of running around today.”

“At least you can run around,” grumbles Alex.

Philip rolls his eyes, walking back out to the parking lot. At least his brother is feeling well enough to enlighten them with sarcasm.

 _So this is what the rest of my weekend will entail,_ he thinks. _A sarcastic brother in need of a maid, four children in need of supervision, three of them constantly, and a father running around, doing Important Things and can’t spare time to drive his son home from the hospital._

At least nothing could get worse.

 

* * *

 

 

What happens next isn’t chaotic or anarchic, but it doesn’t make Philip’s weekend any better.

In the parking lot, parked right next to the Hamil-van is Philip’s car; the one he made sure was locked and in the parking lot of his apartment building. Alex notices this as well, and the two brothers ponder over why it could be there. For some reason, the other owner of the car doesn’t come up in their conversation until they approach the vehicle.

“Philip?”

The man in question spins on his heel and sees his wife standing five feet away, keys to his car in hand.

“Theo? What are you doing here?”

Her eyes grow wide, and if Philip pays better attention to her mannerisms, it would be obvious that the next words out of her mouth are a lie. But he’s too busy coming up with insane theories that make no sense than to see how his wife’s fingers twitch nervously, or how her foot taps the pavement to a very fast beat.

“I just – an old high school friend just had a baby and I decided to visit them.”

Philip believes this, having no reason not to, and carries on his day after giving his wife a kiss and a promise to be home the next day. It’s not until he’s halfway home that he sees through the lie.

The story is totally believable - they have friends from high school they still talk to, and it wouldn’t be very difficult for one to have a kid, seeing as how half are in a serious relationship and the other half have had enough sexual partners that conceiving accidentally is entire possible – except for the fact that Philip and Theodosia have the same friends. Sure, maybe Philip isn’t as close to some of Theo’s friends as he ought to be, but he still _knows_ them. And he knows that none of them were expecting. None. Or, at least, no females. Their guy friends are a little different, but he still knows that none of them had known they were going to be parents. And the chances of one of their friends knocking someone up and Philip not knowing were slim; between Angie gossiping to Theodosia and his ability to stay caught up on the latest news, it’s nearly impossible for him to be so out of the loop.

So if Theodosia wasn’t visiting a friend, why had she been there? Philip wonders.

None of his theories end well. Most involve her dying, some with her cheating and others with her just not loving him anymore. The worst he can think of is her cheating on him with a nurse that took care of her (because she was dying) because she doesn’t love him anymore.

And instead of doing the rational thing and asking Theo outright like a trusting partner would do, Philip lets it settle, leaving it alone.

Really, he should know that would just make his weekend even worse.

 

* * *

 

 

Turns out, things actually can get worse.

The cold John is getting over has been passed to James, who is now sitting miserably in the living room alongside Alex, with Philip acting as their maid. Will refuses to sleep without either his mother or father there to tuck him in. James and Alex’s constant yelling wakes Charles every hour. The only child not causing any problems is Eliza, as she’s been asleep since the van turned on. This changes when Alexander storms into the house, grumbling over something (most likely Burr or Jefferson), and wakes Eliza. The two year old begins crying, but Will happily falls asleep after his father tucks him in.

If any notices Philip taking two extra-strength Advil, they don’t say anything.

Once little Eliza is finally calm and Alex and James are no longer shouting their orders, Eliza calls, waking everyone back up and once again causing anarchy.

“How are things going?” his mother asks.

“Just swell,” answers Philip. (Absolutely terrible.)

“Has your father been helping you?”

“No, but he had work and I can handle things myself,” he lies. (I can’t handle anything.) “But Alex hurt his ankle. Achilles tendon, actually. Gonna have a boot cast for the next few months. He’s fine though. They gave him pain meds and it’s not even that bad, so there’s no need for you to end your trip early.”

“Are you sure? I can be home in two hours if you need me.”

“We’re fine,” he assures her. (They’re not fine.) “Enjoy the rest of your weekend. We’ll see you on Monday and no earlier.” (Please come home now. I can’t handle this. You deserve the utmost respect for being able to handle all of us every single day because I can’t deal with it for twelve hours!)

Philip says his goodbyes, hands the phone to his father, and passes out on the couch. If he never has to do anything like that day again, it’ll be too soon.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day dawns early, with rowdy children, needy teenagers, and no Alexander Hamilton in sight. Philip’s on his own again.

At least, he thinks he is. What, with no father in sight, no mother, aunt, or sister in town, and no other responsible sibling to help, why wouldn’t he think so? And for the first three hours, he is by himself. Alex is still asleep, and James is miserably watching TV, so it’s just Philip and his four youngest brothers and sister.

However, at nine AM sharp, Philip hears the front door creak open (there’s an old hinge that has been needing oil for the past five years, and he knows that noise anywhere) and heels on the hardwood. When he looks up from the disgusting jar of pureed carrots he tries feeding to Charles, Philip catches a glint of a silver ring in the morning sun, followed by bouncing curls and a giggly Eliza.

That only means one thing; Theodosia has arrived.

In normal circumstances, Philip gladly welcomes the comforting presence of his wife. But after last night and his theories, seeing her dredges up insecurities he hasn’t felt for a long while. It doesn’t help that only a few years prior, rumours of his father being unfaithful surfaced and caused a scandal. The whole mess makes Philip slightly insecure with his relationships.

And once again, he chooses not to confront her about the problem. Instead, he ignores her as often as possible. If she calls for him, he’ll act as if he heard nothing. If she speaks to him, he’ll run off after a sibling. It doesn’t help any, but Philip’s too scared to face the truth. Especially when he has so much to worry about.

The day is shockingly similar to the one before; minus a trip to the hospital because of a ruptured Achilles tendon. Once again, they run into obstacles at the park, and with frozen dairy treats. Eliza runs off, John sneezes on a kid who has an angry and overprotective mother, James abandons them for his friends (even though he’s sick as a dog), Charles is fussy, and as if to add gas to the fire, Theo’s acting strangely. Philip knows he should ask after his wife, but he has to worry about the wellbeing of six other people. He doesn’t have the time. (Or, he has a few seconds to ask a simple question but is terrified of the answer and avoids even thinking about it.)

Around dinner time, his father trudges through the front door, mumbling and cursing under his breath, no doubt about Jefferson or Burr. Philip sincerely hopes it’s the former, because dealing with his siblings and avoiding Theodosia have taken away his energy, and he doesn’t have the temperament to deal with his father belittling his father-in-law. Luckily, Alexander Sr. stomps to his office and slams the door. It seems as though there will be no outraged Hamilton this night.

(Philp needs to learn to stop speaking so soon.)

After the kitchen has been cleared of any trace of dishes or crumbs, and the little ones are getting some much needed rest, the moment Philip has been dreading arrives; a confrontation between himself and Theodosia.

She approaches him after the last plate has been put away, eyes narrowed. “Is there any reason you’ve been ignoring me all day?”

“What? Of course not!” he says nonchalantly, casually touching her shoulder. “Why would I ever ignore you?”

“Is it something I did?” Theo presses. “Because you can tell me.”

He waves his hand lazily. “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s great!”

“Then why have I only gotten a ‘hello’ from you today? You haven’t said a word to me since I got here this morning! Did I do something? Or do you just need to grow the hell up?”

“I don’t know, did you do something?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Philip turns away, rolling his eyes. “Nothing.”

“It sure doesn’t sound like nothing,” she says, staring at him intently.

“It’s nothing, Theo. Just drop it.”

“Just drop it? This isn’t just some embarrassing secret your sister tried to blackmail you with! You _ignored me_ this entire day and now you won’t even tell me what’s wrong!” Theodosia crosses her arms and shakes her head in disbelief. “I thought we were supposed to tell each other things!”

“Yeah, that’s funny, because I thought the same!” Philip exclaims, turning back towards his wife.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about!”

“How? How can I possibly know what you mean when you won’t even tell me what’s bothering you?!”

He slams the counter with his hand. All of his pent-up anger, aggression, and stress from the weekend is coming out through his actions. “I know, okay? I know your little secret! I know that you weren’t at the hospital last night visiting a friend!”

All the anger drips from her face. Suddenly, she seems sympathetic. “Look – I was going to tell you soon. It just wasn’t the right time –“

“Right time? There’s no right time to tell me this! There’s no right time to ruin our marriage!” he shouts. The terribleness of the weekend escapes with his voice and it becomes like ice; cold and sharp.

“Ruin our marriage? You think this is going to ruin our marriage?” Her hands flounder in the air with her gestures of disbelief and anger.

“Well it sure as hell won’t help it!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well you cheating on me isn’t exactly going to bring us closer together!”

“You – you think I’m cheating on you?”

“Why else would you lie to me about being at the hospital last night? Why else does anyone lie about being anywhere?”

“Because I’m pregnant, you idiot! I was there for a doctor’s appointment!”

Philp stops suddenly, now quiet. It takes a second for the thought to register. Now that he thinks about it, it makes much more sense than cheating. Who would go to a hospital to cheat on their husband? But along with the revelation that he won’t end up like his mother after that whole Reynolds fiasco, the realization of the truth slowly settles in his mind. Theodosia’s pregnant. With a child. “You’re pregnant? Like, with a kid? With my kid?”

“No, I’m carrying a Martian in my womb! Of course with your kid!”

“I’m gonna be a dad?” he asks quietly, unsure if he really heard right.

She nods, smile growing wide. “You’re gonna be a dad.”

Suddenly, nothing matters anymore. He’s going to be a father. There’ll be another life for him to worry about and care for. The world could end right there, and he would be content with just the thought of parenthood. Philip’s arms wrap around Theo’s waist and he spins her, overcome with joy.

“Now, don’t think this is over,” warns Theodosia when he stops twirling her around, “because it is far from being finished.”

“Talk less. Smile more.”

“Pray tell me why we’re quoting Senator Burr in the Hamilton household?” Alexander asks, approaching the kitchen. He’s followed by little footsteps, and Philip knows his siblings are right behind his father. “The two are never supposed to mix.”

“Tell that to the Martian growing in her womb,” Philip replies, grinning as he moves around behind his wife and places a hand on her abdomen.

“Philip!” Theo chastises him, turning around to face her husband. “That’s no way to tell your father he’s going to be a grandfather!”

Any semblance of a rant about Senator Burr ends just as quickly as it starts, as Alexander is suddenly speechless, which is quite the change from any other minute of any other day. He points his finger at the couple, and it seems like he’s going to yell about any spawn of a Burr being born, but instead, he stutters for a few moments before enveloping his son and daughter-in-law in a bear hug.

The sound of feet slapping the hardwood and the feeling of small hands on his legs a few seconds later notifies Philip of a sibling’s arrival. (Which one, he’s not sure. His face is being squished into his father’s shoulder, and he can barely breathe, let alone tell if it’s Will or Eliza attacking his leg with their chubby little hand.)

A few more arms wrap around the group, and soon it’s a Hamilton Family group hug that seems to last forever. They’re all still intertwined when his mother and sister arrive home a few minutes later, twelve hours earlier than expected but nonetheless gladly accepted into the embrace.

“Not that this isn’t a cool family bonding moment and all, but why are we all hugging in the kitchen at nine o’clock at night?” Angie asks from the fringe of the group.

“We’re celebrating the converging of two households with the conception of a Martian,” explains James. Philip shakes his head, rolling his eyes at his brother. Or, he would shake his head if it wasn’t pressed into his father’s shoulder.

“I’m pregnant,” Theo simplifies. A chorus of “oh’s” sound throughout the group. Apparently, it seems as though none of the newcomers except James knew the reason of the group hug.

“You want to bring a child into this family? Are you crazy?” Angie asks when they separate into their own personal bubbles again.

“Probably,” Philip agrees with a laugh. “But if I can handle four kids a moody fifteen year old and a broken seventeen year old, I’m sure I can handle one kid.”

“You call what you did “handling”? Philip, you were terrible at keeping track of all of us!” James inputs. “You lost Eliza twice.”

“You lost your sister?” Eliza Sr. demands.

“I got her back! And no one died. I mean, Alex can’t walk for the next few months, but he’s not dead and he didn’t do anything on my watch, so it’s not my fault!”

“This family is utterly chaotic,” Eliza says with a shake of her head.

“That’s exactly what I said.”


End file.
